Your Child's Life Without You: The Importance of Fatherhood

By Khalei Suol

By definition (noun) a father is a man in relation to his child or children. Yet, as a verb a father is (someone of male decent) who has caused a pregnancy resulting in the birth of a child. Relation here speaks to the way two people are connected; the effect on or relevance to another; persons connected by blood. So, it is possible to be a father and have no relation to the child other than blood. Meaning one can be a father in title only, being that he was involved in the creation of life through impregnating a woman. Similarly, it is possible for a man to be a father to those he has not created by blood or seed because he is in direct relation with them through intimate relationship.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau 17.6 Million Children (nearly 1 in 4) live without a biological, adoptive, or step father/father figure in their home. To put it plainly the number of children without a father could fill every home, duplex, apartment, hotel, and walk up in New York city two times over.

Research shows that children without fathers are more likely to experience:

-       Teen pregnancy

-       Physical Abuse

-       Sexual Abuse

-       Emotional Abuse

-       Maltreatment

-       Miss Developmental Milestones

-       Have issues forming trust bonds

-       Heightened Feelings of Insecurity

-       Low Self-Worth

-       Low Self-Esteem

-       Depression

-       Anxiety

-       Experience Hopelessness

-       Feelings of Helplessness

-       Problems with Social Adjustment

-       Poor Academic Performance

-       Hypersexual Viewpoints

-       Become Sexually Free Giving with Their Bodies

-       Heightened Chances of Drug Use

-       Substance Dependance

-       Homelessness and

-       Being exploited, among other things

This list is just a short summary of the issues children without fathers can face throughout their lives. However, we can see here that when a father is absent, the child is affected in every aspect of their functioning.

When we consider the family dynamics of African Americans, they too create stressors that can cause an individual to under develop or skip stages in development. For example, in 2015 the Population Reference Bureau reported that 65% of African American (AA) children lived in single parent homes with the mother being the primary parent. Historically speaking, post slavery African Americans who were impoverished, sought help from government institutions. In order to receive this aid, the family could only consist of the mother and children. Thus, if the father was in the home it was assumed that someone could be working; hence, the family didn’t require help. With this in mind Black fathers, in order to ensure their families were taken care of, would leave the home. The effects of this can still be seen in African American families today. These rules normalized Black fathers separating from their families and promoted the continued separation of the AA family unit.

Moreover, because of this family dynamic African American men become more susceptible to living unfulfilled, grief-stricken lives. Wise (2016) considered that because of broken family units’ African American adolescence prematurely take on adult roles which strip them of having the same childhood experiences as their counter parts. Young AA males who grow up without fathers learn quickly to defend, provide, and protect their immediate family; this leaves them without a traditional childhood. Thus, leading to reduced future hopes. The lack of a traditional childhood and knowledge of adult situations in early childhood increases the likelihood of substance abuse as they transition into adulthood. Moreover, research has found that insensitive parenting during childhood increases the likelihood of both substance abuse and instant gratification. Instant gratification can be directly linked to addiction, sexual promiscuity, and criminal activity later in their adult lives.

It is important to understand that harsh parenting here speaks to the use of profanity, vulgarities, and the overall lack of care as it pertains to the child. Further, with a fluctuating home environment, the child is unsure what to consider normal; this sense of non-normality later follows them into their adult lives. Children who grow up in these broken families learn to distrust their own observations, their feelings, and feel powerless to change their environment. Being that what a child views as normal is related to what they see, hear, and learn at home, it is plausible that if the home environment is entrenched in discord, it is easy for that same conflict to be present in their adult life. Which furthers negative generational carryover by creating unstable home environments for their children and so on, and so on, and so on.

Fathers set the tone for the home, family stability, emotional regulation, child development, and safety. Even greater, the way a father loves, disciplines, communicates, and instructs his children will be what they expect from others. For example, if you use profanity at your child daily when disciplining (or in general) it is probable that if they get into a verbally abusive relationship they won’t be aware because the father has made this behavior normal. Conversely, if you treat your child with understanding, regulate their emotions, and validate their feelings they will find it strange when anyone else doesn't; in turn, lessening the likelihood that they will become victims of abuse, maltreatment, and predators.

When a predator seeks out children and families, they look for some very specific weaknesses -one being fatherlessness. Jack Reynolds a convicted child predator said in an interview that " If I thought the father was a threat, I would not approach the child". Predators seek to fill the need of the child and family through acting out the duties of a father through the lens of perversion. This article includes a interview with a child predator in which he details how he looked for children to abuse. It is important to note that this video maybe triggering for some viewers, thus, viewer discretion is advised.

A child’s life is determined the moment of conception. The title of father is bestowed on a man at that same time. However, the decision(s) made once the child enters the world will affect the child’s life over the life span. As a culture America has devalued the act of sex by negating the severity of creating life. There is not one child on earth who would wish to be absent a father. In fact, statistically speaking the majority of adults now creating fatherless children were fatherless themselves, being products of broken homes. It is critical for the betterment of future generations that fathers uphold the attributes of the title in a positive light. Simply being a creator of life will not sustain a positive life for our children. Our children need men of valor, love, and understanding. More importantly our children need to know their legacy. The choice to be in your child’s life and fight for the right to be in your child’s life is connected to your child’s well-being, mental health, long term life outcomes, development, and more.

There are men currently breaking the negative broken cycles of their families in the small choices they make daily. Choice one is making the decision to create or not create life, the second choice is to be there or not. Will it be easy? Not always. Will it be worth it? -Absolutely. For the betterment of our children, grandchildren, and the generations they create well after we are gone… Let Fathers Be Fathers. Our Children Need Us.

Videos:

The Life-Long Impact of Absent Fathers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIAFSKr2xvE&t=40sAn

The Father Wound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTu5sFCl9xk

Interview with a Convicted Child Predator:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7VMY8aZHVk  

Check The Sources:

Children and Single Parent Families by race in the United States, (2020). Kids Count Center. Retrieved from https://datacenter.kidscount.org/data/tables/107-children-in-single-parent-families-by-race#detailed/1/any/false/37,871,870,573,869,36,868,867,133,38/10,11,9,12,1,185,13/432,431

U.S. Census Bureau, (2015). United States Census Bureau. Retrieved from https://www.census.gov/

Wise, P.H. (2016). Child poverty and the promise of human capacity: Childhood as a foundation for healthy aging. Academic Pediatrics (16), S37-S45. Retrieved from    http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.acap.2016.01.014